when i thought im over it

when i thought im over it

:(

i was back in taguig.
just as i thought i was completely over it.
i suddenly felt it all around me.
wrapping me. suffocating me.
i found it difficult to sleep last night.
being there brought loneliness again.
tsk. i was doing fine eh..
im doing well for the last couple of months.
until yesterday.. :(
sobrang naiinis ako.
i exerted all my effort to overcome the pain and leave all the memories behind.
i was able to do it pero sobrang nasaktan ako while i was coping.
parang alam niyo yun, feeling ko ang unfair?
ilang buwang nag-ayos tas isang gabi lang, mararamdaman ko ulet ang lungkot??
ano kaya yon.. :-s

ayoko na kasi e. ayoko na talaga.
i don't want to feel this anymore.
but it's back.
it is soooo here with me again.
i want to live a new life and start new memories.
so please. JUST GO!!!
every memory, every thought, every emotion must GO!!!

*sigh*

isn't ironic? happy memories could bring loneliness?
my ghas. i so hate what i feel now.
i am stubborn. i am not easily shattered. but i do fall.
but one of the things i like about myself is i never give up.
i fight (even with my own self), try to find my way up and make myself a much, much better person.
no matter how this life could hurt me; no matter how many mistakes i make.
nothing could stop me from improving myself.
i know Satan will always try, but I have God to back me up.
hirap lang pati sarili ko kalaban ko. mga sarili kong kahinaan at kagustuhan.
tsk tsk tsk..

haaay..

many people have used me, many people have lied to me.
all i can do is let them be.
cguro i just need to trust God more, i know He sees everything.
He knows what to do. He has a perfect time for every thing.
as I have said, i wronged Him in a lot of ways.
even my own life won't suffice to match His love and kindness.
so maybe, i am thinking, that all i can do is accept these things and be mature in viewing matters.
bear the pain, feel the loneliness while i am still taking steps in gaining myself.
one word to remember: CONSEQUENCES.

and this i also need to bear in mind: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS MY RELATIONSHIP WITH JEHOVAH.
so whatever hurtings, whatever pains i feel. i must THINK that it really doesn't matter.
i should make Jehovah God happy to show Him that I appreciate every little thing He does for me.
so i must continue changing my ways and improving myself for Jehovah's glory.
i do fail from time to time but that won't stop me from hoping and trying that i will be the best person i can be for Jehovah God.
He trusts me that I can overcome my own weaknesses, so i must always try to follow His righteous ways as much as i can.

haaaay.. i really do hope things will be alright. :)